I thought of this topic just randomly on my way home from a date with Katherine last night and I thought it would be a really good one to roll with. So this morning I did some research and asked my girlfriend to read the articles I found for her insight on her relationship with her father. I’ll give some background information first on the articles I read. The first was written by a feminist, who wrote all about girls having a absent father and girls whom did not and how it related to other relationships in comparison to our fathers. The other was written by a student, who wrote that a father can be absent in many ways and how it affects a girls development. I wanted to know if that by having an absent father it some how contributed to one being a lesbian.
Well to start, a definition, “An absent father is defined as those who do not interact with their children on a regular basis and consequently do not play a significant role in their development.” – From second article. I was raised by my mom until I was about eight when my mom remarried. I live about two hours away from my father but I always saw him on weekends, until I got older and told him I didn’t want to. I stopped seeing my father when I was sixteen and I haven’t spent a weekend with him since 10th grade.
In these articles it states that with your father not being in your life it in turn makes them more likely to have stressed relationships with men because they are trying to fill a void of their fathers. It also mentions that because of the stress on relationships it could make girls more likely to find male companionship in sex, which makes girls without fathers more probable to become promiscuous. However, it also makes a note that I found quite interesting that since girls with an absent father are trying to fill a male void we ourselves try and fill it by becoming masculine. Which in turns goes against what men find attractive in a women, this can make girls less attracted to men because they’ve lost their sense of confidence.
Women who have a negative view of their fathers, whether it’s that their fathers left or that their parents divorced and the mothers speak badly of him, those women are more likely to grow up with the same opinion of other men. That they can’t trust men because they will always be afraid they will leave like their father did or that they will act as their father did towards themselves or the mother. This dis attraction of men might make them in turn attracted to women. I read in the article that women with absent fathers are far more likely to be gay in adulthood. “They become what they are missing.” – Feminist, first article
I wanted to point that while my girlfriend read the articles she didn’t so much see herself in the article as her relationship with her father was always healthy in her childhood. She noted that not until her adolescence did she pull away from her father as a series of events took place. But when she became distant from her father after being so close she says she looks back on it and remembers slowly becoming more masculine. As the article states that could be the affect of not having a relationship with her father, and she became what she was missing.
While reading these articles I found myself feeling connected to the writer, feeling that they knew my life specifically since I felt so much of what they were speaking about related to me. I have never connected my childhood or even adolescence to be being a lesbian. I always try to find the “red flags” throughout my adolescence that I feel I should have had. I was always a “tomboy” when I was younger but as I got to high school I grew out of that and I became a lot more feminine. Since high school I have always been feminine now, I don’t think of myself any different now. So it was interesting for me to read these articles and now that maybe I didn’t have red flags it was just the way it happened.
I hope you find some insight in what I decided to write about today. (L)
The articles I used if you want to take a look are listed below;
The article I refer to as first one, written by the feminist: http://www.rense.com/general44/makfem.htm
The article I refer to as second one, written by the student: http://essays24.com/print/Effects-Absent-Fathers-On-Daughters/42290.html